


I Bet They're Doing Something Wild

by save_the_skyfall



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Funny, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Mild Language, Reader-Insert, Sam loves red wing, Wanda is really good at poker, the team loves to tease tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7351120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/save_the_skyfall/pseuds/save_the_skyfall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're new to the team and have won everyone over except for Natasha who was away on a mission when you joined. You and Natasha decide to go out and get to know each other better which really picks away at Tony who is dying to know what you're doing. The team teases him and his ideas about your wild night out on the town, however, when you and Natasha stumble in at some unearthly hour, Tony is there to witness everything.<br/>(Not inappropriate)<br/>Thank you Dovita for the great idea! (even though this veered off course a little bit)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this was "The reader wants to spend a day with Nat to get to know her better, while the rest of the team comes up with ridiculous situations they think you two are doing." I may have gotten a little carried away but I decided to keep going with what I had because I personally thought it was really funny. (Please keep in mind I wrote this from anywhere to midnight to 4:30 am...) Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Y/n) Your name  
> (Y/p) Your pronoun

You weren't exactly fresh bait to the team but you weren't a long standing member either. You were in the middle ground having earned everyone's approval, well everyone except for Natasha. Now it's not that Natasha didn't like you or that she felt you shouldn't be there, it was just that when you had first arrived to the team she had been away on a mission (and first impressions mean a lot to Natasha.) You had been on the team for about three months before she returned.

"Who's the new-bee?" She pulled Sam aside entering the glass doors.

Sam turned his head back and caught a glance of you sitting in the common room chatting with Wanda and Clint. "Oh that's, (y/n). Joined the team about three months ago, right after you left." Sam turned his attention back towards Nat. "We were told about (y/p) in Zaruta. (Y/p) is pretty kick ass if you ask me." Sam shrugged before an idea struck him. "You know," he pointed and nodded at Natasha with a ridiculous grin, "I think you two would get along great! You should really get to know (y/p)."

Natasha flicked her gaze back and forth between Sam and your back. "Alright," she gave a slow nod as she excepted the idea. Her stare fell back on Sam, "Just stop looking at me like that." She pulled her head slightly back and wrinkled her nose in vague discomfort at Sam's remaining grin.

"Go on, talk to (y/p)." His expression only grew.

"Just stop with the face."

"Don't make me get Red Wing down here."

Natasha arched her eyebrow and began to pass Sam, "You relationship with that thing is unhealthy."

Sam turned back around, "It's called companionship!" He shouted to her before walking out the door. That just caused her her to roll her eyes, endearingly of course.

"Hey, hey look who it is," Clint twisted his head back to see who Sam yelled at.

Natasha smiled before taking a seat in the chair next to him, "Weren't you sitting there when I left?"

"Oh come on, Tasha. Give me some credit, I was probably like three inches that way," Barton pointed towards the left end of the couch with a good laugh.

You shifted in your seat, anxious and excited at Natasha's return. You had been looking forward to meeting her ever since you joined the team. You admired and respected her skill, how could you not? She was the very embodiment of a bad ass and now she was sitting right across from you.

"You must be (y/n). I'm Natasha." She offered her small smile with a slight nod.

"Hi, I'm (y/n), it's an honor- wait you just said that. Not that it was an honor to meet me but my name." You shook your head embarrassed, "I mean, you obviously know my name, you just said it. Not that I expected you to know me. I am a nobody compared to you. How did you know my name? Ha, I guess that doesn't really matter though." You let out a nervous laugh at the end of your ramble. Natasha rose her eyebrows in amusement. "Well, I'm just gonna go die in a hole now," you cast your gaze downwards as you got up from your seat. The redness of your cheeks was radiating like the surface of the sun. "Way to go, (y/n). That's totally how you greet Natasha freaking Romanoff." You scolded yourself as you took the walk of shame to your room.

Natasha leaned back in her chair, "That's the kick ass (y/p) Sam was talking about?" She chuckled before putting her attention back on Clint.

"(Y/p) is actually pretty kick ass when (y/p) needs to be. Other than that, yeah, (y/n) can be kind of, ah-"

"(Y/n) really looks up to you so (y/p) probably just got a little flustered," Wanda explained in your defense.

"I don't see any reason to get worked up over me. I mean Steve or Tony, yeah, or even Bruce and Bucky." Natasha crossed her legs, "There's nothing super outstanding on my behalf."

"Yeah, I mean you're only one of the most lethal spies on Earth," Tony wondered in from the balcony, "no biggie." He sat down with a sigh in the seat you just vacated, "And I am flattered that you think someone would get worked up over meeting me." He flashed that playboy grin of his. Wanda, Clint, and Natasha all rolled their eyes at Stark before getting up. "Aw, come on now. The truth shall set you free!" He called after the three of them before taking a sip of his water and sinking back into his seat.

 

\----------

 

You were back in you room sitting cross legged on the floor with your back against your bed. "First impressions mean everything and you blew it!" You continued to hound yourself. You flopped your face into the small pillow you were clutching, "You are such an idiot."

A small knock on your door frame caused your head to pop right up. When you turned your head you were met by the sight of Natasha herself leaning against the entrance of your room with an amused light in her eyes. "Nice little set up you have here," she studied the interior of your room.

"Uh-uh, thank you." You quickly went to stand but slightly stumbled on the way up. You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head at your slight miss step. "I'm sorry for acting like such a loser in front of you, I'm not normally like this. At least I hope not." You shifted your worried glance to your floor praying you weren't always this big of a dork.

Natasha took a step into your room, "Don't worry too much about it. You should have seen Agent Coulson when he met Steve. I was even a little embarrassed by that."

Your eyes went back to Natasha, "Oh yeah, I heard about that." You laughed along recalling the story Steve told you when you fumbled your name while meeting him for the first time. _Oh God, maybe I am like that._

"I was thinking," Natasha's voice reeled you back in from your thoughts, "we should get to know each other better. After all I did miss the first three months of your arrival, and the others seem to be taking to you quite well, so I think I should catch up." Her small smirk spread across her face again.

You furrowed your eyebrows in slight confusion. She wants to get to know me? You began to shake your head, deciding not to question the opportunity to redeem yourself. "Yeah. Yeah! That uh- sounds great!"

"Alright then, well I just got off a really long flight and I am starved. Is it okay if we go and get some dinner? We can do something else after that if you want it's just I haven't had a real meal in a long time." Natasha straightened herself in the doorway.

"Yeah, for sure. Let me just grab my stuff and we can head on out."

The two of you began to walk and talk all the way through the common room where most of the team is now congregated. "Hey, where are you two sneaking off to?" Tony shouted from the same chair.

"Oh you know, just gonna go auction off all your stuff on eBay." You twisted your head with a gleaming grin before walking out the door.

"Nice one." Natasha nodded approvingly. 

_Holy shit! She looks slightly impressed with me._ "Well I try," you shrugged off the compliment. _This is going to be so fucking cool!_


	2. Wild Ideas

"So you just smacked him in the face with a wrench?" Your jaw dropped in amusement.

Nat nodded her head, "Well I mean he was probably a tool anyway so it was the only right thing to do."

"Nice pun."

"Ah, I couldn't resist," she shrugged before bringing some of her food to her mouth. "So what do you suppose Tony and the team actually think we're doing?" She asked before taking a bite.

You furrowed your brows and just shook your head, "I have no clue what goes on up in that metal brain of his."

 

\-------

 

"I think they're up to something." Tony paced back and forth scratching his chin in a thinking manner.

"For the last time Tony, they aren't actually going to sell any of your stuff." Steve sighed from his spot around the coffee table where he was playing poker.

"No, no, no. Not like that. I mean they are up to something _odd_." Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve.

"Oh yes, the infamous three minuet love affair." Clint chuckled as he arranged the cards in his hand.

"I'm down for that." Sam whooped as he tossed in some playing chips, "I raise you ten."

"Tony, they are probably just getting a cup of coffee and getting to know each other." Bruce folded his hand for the round.

Tony wagged his finger as he continued to brew up ideas, "I bet they're doing something wild."

"Explain," Wanda threw in two more chips, "I see your ten and I raise you twenty."

"I don't know maybe they are doing something crazy." Stark glanced over at Wanda.

"Oh yeah, I bet they are knocking off a convenient store right about now." Bucky mocked Tony's train of thought.

"Maybe they're picking fights in a bar," Sam nudge Bucky's shoulder and began to laugh with him.

Clint fake gasped, "Maybe they are going to steal an elephant from the zoo."

"Come on, we all know that if they stole an animal from the zoo it would probably be like a tiger or a panther," Steve joined in on the teasing.

"You know if you want me to I can call up T'challa and ask if hes seen them trying to nab one of his cubs," Sam looked up at Tony serious for about half a second before dissolving into the growing cackle.

Tony was growing wildly annoyed, "I was thinking gambling or illegal street racing but you could all just be assholes too."

"We are all just having some fun Stark," Wanda smiled, "there is no need to be so paranoid." She laid down her hand, "Read 'em and weep boys."

All of their faces dropped. "Unbelievable." Bucky dropped his cards on the table watching Wanda scoop in all of the poker chips.

"Um, uh-uh-uh," Sam shook his hand at her. "It is impossible for little miss thang over here to have won every hand so far."

Steve shook his head, "Maybe you should learn when to fold, bud."

"Nu-uh, this little girl has some little black magic going on," Sam continued to watch her arrange her chips. "Bucky, maybe you should shuffle the deck with that new bionic arm of yours." That just earned an unamused glare from him.

Wanda smirked, "Aw, do you really think that will improve your chances."

Sam sat back astonished, "Did you just hear her? 'Do you really think that will improve your chance-'," he mimicked her with exaggerated head movements, "-uh, yeah, I do. That is if you aren't messing with the cards before each hand."

"She literally hasn't even shuffled once," Steve laughed at his friend's rising absurdities.

"Witch!" Sam threw his body forward with his arm fully extended and full out pointed directly at Wanda.

Bruce and Clint where on the verge of tears, Wanda was laughing so hard she began to snort, Steve fell back against the couch and slapped Bucky's left arm, Bucky's head was in his hands, Tony was giggling from afar, and Sam stood up throwing his cards to the table.

"Alright, so that's how you guys want to play, okay!"

"What are you going to do," Wanda waved her hands. "Get your little pet down here to make sure that I'm not using some sort of spell to make you terrible at poker."

Sam cocked his head and opened his mouth to scoff, "Okay, little Salem," he began to strut over towards Tony. "While you all continue to play the game of lies, I'm going to listen to my pal Tony heres ideas."

Tony had begun to pace before Sam reached him, "I bet they are going to stop street crimes in back allies."

Sam backed his head up a little bit, "Okay, okay. While I like the simplicity behind the thought why don't we give the two some credit and say something a little more daring." He put his hands up moving them with his thoughts, "They could be, now stay with me, getting coffee." Sam backed up with his arms spread out, "Crazy right?"

The whole group began to laugh again, all except Tony. "Very funny." He scrunched up his face and mocked their laughter. "Just remember there Wilson, I was the one who created your precious little side kick."

Sam's face fell immediately, "You wouldn't."

Tony turned on his heel, "I giveith, I can takeith away." He began to stroll away, rather confidently. 

"Hey, man! Don't you touch my Red Wing!" Sam called after Stark's disappearing frame, "Stark!" Sam turned back to the group still playing poker, "You don't think he-. He wouldn't-. How would he even be able to find Red Wing?"

Wanda tilted her head and shrugged while arranging her cards, "Maybe he's a witch." 


	3. Stumbling In

You and Natasha were walking side by side down the sidewalk still chatting and sharing some laughs. "So what should we tell them we did if they ask?"

Nat tilted her head back and breathed in the night air, "I think the truth would burst Tony's bubble quite nicely."

"True, true." Your words trailed off. "Or, we really could have a wild night out."

Nat faced you both intrigued and bemused by you sudden idea. "What did you have in mind?"

A devious smile spread across your glowing face, "Lets do something daring, something noticeable. Something that is legal but a lot of people get scolded for. What would Tony be expecting us to do? Something pretty out there, right?" Natasha nodded both in agreement and for you to keep going. You looked at all the shops lining the streets, "Let's have some fun." You grabbed her hand before trekking deeper into the night ridden city.

 

\--------

 

Stark had returned to the common room after everyone else had made their way to bed. "They have to be up to something," he tapped his foot while waiting less than patiently for your and Natasha's return.

 

\--------

 

You and Nat stumbled in with boisterous laughter pushing each other playfully. You made it about four feet in the door before you caught sight of Tony sitting in the same chair you had left him in, his face being lit by one lamp like a suspicious mother waiting up for her children.

"Oh, uh-"

"Hiya, Stark!" You waved joyfully, finishing Nat's thought. She was attempting to hold in her laughter.

"(Y/n). Romanoff." He rose to his feet, arms crossed, head tilted. "Where have you two been?"

The two of you exchanged glances trying to control your grins, "No where."

"Mhm. And what exactly were you two doing in this 'no where'?" He began to advance on the two of you.

"You know, a little of this-"

"A little of that."

About half way to you both he drew in a few sniffs and studied your body movement, "Are you two drunk?"

Natasha looked around innocently, "Maaaybe."

"Is that all?"

"Yup." You began to rock back and forth on your heels.

The closer he got the more suspicious the two of you acted. "I see," he nodded as he watched the two of you put your hands behind your back. He stood about six feet away from the two of you before he strained his eyes, "Are those- are those piercings?"

You started to giggle until Nat jabbed you in the side with her elbow, "No."

"Yes they are." He pointed at the pieces of metal newly adorn to both of your faces.

Nat went with a full ear dragon earring on her left, a bar on the right ear, a piercing on her bottom lip, and a septum piercing. You chose a full ear snake on your right ear, seven piercings on your left, a nose stud, and a piercing through your right eyebrow.

"Holy shit. Those are piercings, you guys got piercings!" Tony's eyes were bulging and he pointed at the two of you."

"That's not all buddy boy." You said slyly making sure he saw your tongue piercing as well.

"What do you mean?"

You and Natasha glanced at each other through the corners of your eyes both of your grins ear to ear. "One, two, three!" You both extended your arms out to him to show off your new full length sleeves.

"Holy shit!" Stark gawked at your tattoos.

"(Y/n) said that we shouldn't get any piercings but I finally convinced (y/p) into getting some with me." She slightly picked up the hem of her shirt and proudly pointed at her belly button ring.

"And then I told Nat that I would get the piercings as long as she got tattoos with me!" You turned your neck to the side and showed off your tattoo of climbing vines coming from under your shirt to behind your ear.

Stark was searching for words, staring at the two of you like he was just tossed into the Twilight Zone. "No. No these can't be real." Stark tugged at piercings.

"Ow, Stark! What the heeell!" You rubbed at the spot he just yanked.

He frantically turned to Nat and tugged on her's.

"Watch it buddy," she flailed her arms like she was going to do some drunken karate.

"Your tattoos. There is no way they could have done full sleeves on the both of you in just a few hours." He rushed towards the coffee table to grab a glass of water.

"Of course they can! It just took a lot of money, a lot of tattoo artists, and some determination." You nodded your head in an over exaggerated fashion.

"Now that's what I call the American dream!" Natasha placed her fists on her hips and stared triumphantly into the distance (swaying the entire time.)

Tony rushed back in your direction with the glass of water, "Let me see your arms."

"What's the magic word?" You pulled away from him with a frown.

"Give me your arm." He tugged your tattooed arm towards him.

"Excuse me, Mr. Iron Fan. (Y/p) said magic word and you said," Nat began to count on her fingers, "like a whole three of them. None of which were right."

Tony gave but a mere glance at her before pouring some of the water from the glass on your arm.

"What the buck are you doing?" You whined as he rubbed brashly on your arms.

"Heh, heh. You said 'buck' insteda 'fuck'." Natasha giggled followed by a hiccup.

You gasped and then giggled back, "You're right."

"That's funny," she swayed as she waved a finger at you, "Imma tell Bucky about it in the morning."

"No, no, no, no, no." He murmured to himself as he quickly grabbed hold of Natasha's arm and repeated the action on her tattooed forearm. He began to scrub more frantically at the non disappearing ink.

"Hey, man, knock it off." Nat flung her arm up out of his grasp.

Tony took a few steps back, eyes darting between the two of you, hands gripping his hair. "This can't be real. This is wild..." His words trailed off and a smile grew on his face, "They did something wild."

"Righty you are!" You swung your arm out in his direction.

"We are wild! We can't be contamed!" Nat thrust her fists in the air like Rocky.

You began to giggle at her again, "It's contained, not contamed you idiot."

She squinted her eyes at you and slowly lowerd her arms, "Huh? Oh- true." She nodded and pointed at you.

Stark was still standing there, basking in all his glory, "I was right. You guys did something crazy."

"Yes, we did. Now if you'll excuse us," you drunkenly motioned between you and Nat who was hunched over, "I need to hold her hair while she-"

"Okay, okay. I don't need the details." Tony put up his hands to stop any further explanation.

Both you and Nat began to stagger out of the common room and towards the other set of doors. "Do you think we should tell him about how you punched a cop and I stole a banana vendor's left shoe?" Nat whispered rather loudly so that Tony could hear.

"Shhhh," you slurred through gritted teeth. "Not unless you want me to tell him about how you stole a monkey puppet from a kid and how I won a break dance battle against a guy dressed as the Indian from the Village People."

"I told you my monkey puppet needed that vendor's banana's."

"Then why did you steal his shoe and not his banana's?"

"Oh no," she clutched her face in her hands, "I need to go back and get some bananas!"

She turned to run but you caught her by her belt loop. "No, because then I have to have another break dance battle but against the blue Powerpuff chick."

Natasha began to let out a sloppy laugh, "You have to admit, that battle was soooo coool!" The both of your voices grew more and more faint and Tony just stared after you, shaking his head. "I was right." He scoffed to himself, overly satisfied.


	4. The Morning After

The next morning, Tony was up bright and early ready to see the look on everyone's faces when you and Natasha stumbled out of bed. He was whistling to himself as he poured his coffee.

"Something smells good," Wanda looked around the kitchen.

"What's the occasion?" Steve inquired as he grabbed a strip of bacon from the pile on a plate.

"Oh you know, I thought I would be generous and make you all a nice breakfast to eat while you wallow in your wrongness, pancake?"

"I don't follow?" Bucky sat down at the table that had plates of bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes, fruit, etc...

"Just wait and see, Robocop." Tony proudly sipped at his coffee. He waited until everyone, spare you and Natasha where in the kitchen either staring at the food in question or digging in anyway.

"Where are Natasha and (Y/n)?" Sam searched around the kitchen.

"Ah, that reminds me." Tony clapped his hands and cleared his throat, "FRIDAY, since the gang is all here could you please wake Romanoff and (y/n) for me?" Everyone at the table exchanged numerous glances at that unusually odd and rather delighted request. "Now everyone. When they get in here please do not stare, touch, or badger them about what happened last night."

"Last I checked you were the only one that cared about that." Bucky scoffed before taking a sip of his coffee.

"After what I saw last night, you will all be- intrigued by what you will see."

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, "Not again with this."

"Oh, don't you stress over this, Jolly Green Giant. What you will all see is that I was right." Tony shed his billion dollar smile.

"They are on their way now, sir." FRIDAY's voice sounded into the kitchen.

Tony straightened himself in his chair, "Now I don't want any fanfare or big to-do's when they come in, but a simple 'Tony was right and is the greatest' will suffice just-"

"Morning everyone." You beamed as you and Natasha strolled into the kitchen. The two of you were completely sober and tattoo and piercing free.

"Good morning, how are you two holding-" Tony's voice and face fell at the alarming sight of the two of you being perfectly normal. Everyone around the table flicked their eyes to you two, furrowed their eyebrows, looked back to the baffled Tony and just rolled their eyes.

"Uh, we're fine. Thanks?" Natasha scrunched her face as she made her way to the table with her mug.

"Um, what the hell?" Tony sounded offended.

"Well then I guess we're not fine," Nat corrected herself.

"What happened to you guys?"

You and Nat exchanged glances, "What do you mean?"

"I believe he is referring to yesterday." Steve raised his eyebrows and stared expectantly at Stark who was completely beside himself.

"Oh, we just went out and got a bite to eat at this hole-in-the-wall Italian place, but it was so good." You shrugged before taking a bite of pancakes.

"After that we decided to work off our dinner by walking up and down the shops," Nat added on. "Nobody told me that (y/n) was so hilarious by the way. I swear the whole night was like watching stand-up comedy."

"No- no- no- no you two were drunk off your asses, covered in piercings, and had sleeve tattoos!" Tony's confusion and anger was rising by the second.

"I didn't drink any alcohol last night, did you (y/n)?" Nat looked down the table at you.

You shook your head, "Nope, and I don't have any piercings or tattoos, do you?"

"None."

Tony was standing up, utterly dumbstruck, "This is not right! You two were stumbling everywhere, giggling, showing off what you did!"

"Now Tony, I am no expert but I am pretty sure it is impossible to get a whole arm sleeve in such a short period of time." Sam pointed his fork from the two of you then to Stark at the end of the table.

"Not when you have a lot of money, a lot of artists, and some determination!" The table began to laugh yet again at his expense.

"Uh, sure and I bet that is also the American dream." Natasha laughed along, repeating what she had said the night before.

"Yes! Exactly!"

"So, Stark's gone bananas." Clint leaned forward, seriously informing the group before laughing again.

"Oh, that reminds me! Natasha stole some banana vendor's left shoe because her monkey puppet that she stole from a kid needed some bananas." Stark explained moving his hands as a guide.

The laughter grew louder among some. "Are you accusing me of stealing a child's toy?" Natasha recoiled in offense.

"That doesn't even make sense! Why would she steal his shoe if she wanted the bananas?" Clint had tears streaming from the corners of his eyes.

"Because she was drunk!" Tony was beginning to grow furious.

"And I suppose I punched a cop or something right?" You nudged Bucky who was sitting on your left.

"Yes! Yes you did!" The laughter was out of hand this point and Tony practically had steam coming out of his ears.

"Stark," Bruce sputtered between laughs, "I think you let your imagination get the best of you last night. Maybe you should get some rest."

Tony stomped his foot on the ground, "No! I know what I saw! They were-"

"Drunk, pierced, and tattooed. We get it." Bucky's cheeks were sore from laughing so hard.

Stark slapped the table in fury, "Listen to me, damn it! (Y/n) even had a break dance battle against the Indian from the Village People!"

Wanda got to her feet and put her plate in the sink, "I'm sure (y/p) did."

"You won right?" Sam winked at you.

"(Y/p) did!"

You followed Wanda's lead, "I can't dance to save my life."

Everyone began to get up and put their plates in the sink or on the counter, all while still shaking off the comedy show that they just experienced.

Tony watched all of them, furiously studying you and Natasha over, "You don't see it because they were faking! But I checked last night to see if the piercings and tattoos were real and they were! I just don't know how they got them off then," Stark was desperate to convince the team at this point.

"Maybe they're witches." Steve suggested with a chuckle aimed at Sam.

"You know what-" Sam shoved Steve and began to chase him out of the kitchen.

The rest of the team filed out in a cluster, leaving Tony frustrated beyond compare.

Once you were all in the hallway Bruce pulled the two of you aside, "I watched you two come in last night and what Tony said appeared to be true?"

"It was all one big show, my good man." You smirked, satisfied by your and Natasha's handy work.

"How did you guys get the tattoos and piercings to stay like that," he shook his head in mild disbelief.

"That's our little secret," Natasha winked at you.

"Now if you will excuse us, we need to go hide any evidence that's left." You took Nat's arm in yours and began to stroll down the hallway in the wake of the team.

"You and I are going to get along just fine."

 _Fuckin' success!_ "I think so too," you nodded at your wonderful redemption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! If you have any ideas or requests please feel free to let me know! I hope you enjoyed it even though it was a little out there at points.


End file.
